How to Beat Loneliness

Loneliness is hard. And this is the hardest time of year for being lonely.

For some, it’s a temporary period. But for others, it’s been a lifelong trial.

God cares about you in this struggle, and he has answers for our problems. If you are lonely, many Bible characters could identify with you. Even Jesus knew the pain of abandonment, rejection, and the feeling of being all alone in the world.

You might not be able to change some of the circumstances that have led to this, but you can beat loneliness. You don't have to feel this way. There are some things that you can do. But that’s the key…there are some things you have to do.

• Start by viewing your situation differently. There are a lot of people who are craving the kind of solitude that you have grown accustomed to. And being free from the responsibilities that go along with relationships, you have an opportunity to accomplish some really good things that others would not be able to, and that you would also not be able to do during times with different circumstances. So your first step in overcoming loneliness is to see the opportunity in the situation you are in. If you don't start with this change in thinking, you won't make the other necessary steps to beat it.
• Turn your situation over to God. Talk to him about the feelings you are struggling with, but tell him that you are willing to go through whatever he has for you in life. And then ask him for wisdom and direction. Do this every day.
• Use your time wisely. You might think you have too much time on your hands, but whatever time you have, it will be gone. Wasting time is depressing. So don’t waste it by wallowing in your loneliness. Turn the TV off and be careful not to use it as a substitute for relationships. Instead, when you are home, play music and become an avid reader. (If you don't like to read, read anyway–you’ll learn to love it.) 
• Find a cause and pour yourself into it. It might be a needed area of ministry at church. It could be volunteering at a shelter, becoming a companion for elderly people or working with abandoned kids at a children’s hospital (there are a lot of them). Don’t see this as a way to make friends. See it as a valuable use of time and energy that you have because you don't have relationship demands. If you keep that perspective, friendships will start coming to you.
• Be others oriented. Forget about your feelings of loneliness and replace it with a focus on the needs of others. Don’t sit and wait for people to come to you. There are lots of hurting people around you who could use support. Look for ways you can give it.
• When you are interacting with others, how you conduct yourself is huge. See those interactions as opportunities for you to care for them and fulfill their needs, rather than a way of overcoming your own loneliness. If you appear needy or desperate for friends, people will run. If you focus on yourself in conversations or talk a lot about your loneliness or your unhappiness, it’ll probably be a one-time conversation. Instead, see your smile as something you give away. Encourage them, smile, be uplifting. Ask questions and be interested in their lives, rather than trying to get them interested in yours. People want to spend time with those who care about them and are uplifting to be around. All of this comes down to being others-oriented rather than self-focused. When you love other people, you focus on them and their needs.

There are some practical things that I could talk about, but this is a blog and not a book. Let me reiterate, God cares about you and he knows. He knows how you are feeling, he knows your situation, and he knows the best way to fix your problems. Use wisdom and the above advice to make the best of your situation. But more importantly, look to him for your fulfillment and trust him completely no matter what.