How to Stay Married for Thirty Years

Linda and I celebrated our 30th anniversary last Monday. We enjoy each other more today than even during our dating years. But our's would not make a good chick flick. We don't have a storybook romance. But I think our marriage can serve as an example for any couple.

We aren't still married after 30 years because we picked the right person. Neither one of us really knew who or what we were getting. And while e-harmony will tell you that you are better off finding someone with similar tastes and interests, we are as opposite as opposite can be. There was a lot of incompatibility in those early years and it led to our share of struggles. During our first half dozen years, we argued about pretty much everything that couples argue about, and we didn't always fight fair. Both of us regret words we used, things we said and attitudes we had. But what we had going for us were the shared values we were committed to and a mutual desire to love God first and honor him with our relationship. We didn't always do that, but that commitment to God first led to the many changes in us as individuals that has brought about the relationship we have today. 

So we didn't stay married this long because we married the right people. We've been married for thirty years and love each other more today, and enjoy each other's company more today, because we were committed to making it work and pleasing God with the way we interacted. 

You might think your problem is who you married. That's not it. God wants you first to become the person he created you to be. He wants you to first work on yourself. When your interaction with your spouse becomes Christ-centered, your marriage will improve, even if your spouse changes nothing.

I say all of that to give you hope. There is no secret in how to have a happy marriage. All of our relationships flow from the kinds of people we are. If you are truly bent on honoring God as a person, it'll affect how you talk to others and respond to them. If you are going to love God 24/7, it can't help but impact the kind of husband you are and the wife you are. If you are committed to pleasing God with your words to your husband or wife, your marriage can't help but get better.

After all, the goal isn't just to stay married for thirty years. There's too many couples who have succeeded at that, but are unhappily married. As a followers of Jesus, ultimately, the goal is for everything in our lives to be pleasing to him. A good place to start is at home, with the person who knows us best. Start with your marriage.