Master Your Emotions

How you manage your emotions has more impact on your marriage, raising kids, and doing well at work than just about anything else. Daniel Goleman, in his book, Emotional Intelligence, demonstrates how a person’s ability to manage his or her emotions has more influence on their success in life than IQ.But managing emotions is not easy. As Goleman said, “The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain.” Our emotional reactions to things tend to get ahead of our intents, and before we know it, we’ve allowed our feelings to drive us into saying and doing things that we later regret.So how do you master distressing emotions?•  Get alone with God. I talk about this all the time, but for good reason. I know personally the difference it makes when I spend alone time with God. There is something about my continual acknowledgement of God’s sovereignty and ever-present care that helps me focus, which psychologists say is necessary in order to manage emotions. They suggest daily meditation, but that only goes part way. Meditating on God’s Word and interacting with him in prayer does far more.•  Think ahead. Most of us become more emotionally charged and out of control when we are flying by the seat of our pants. If you are running late, skipping breakfast, rushing through traffic, and then racing into work three minutes late, you are at the cusp of an emotional crisis. It will not take much to set you off. But thinking ahead to avoid those added stressors can evade the build-up and will pay dividends when you have to think clearly. You can emotionally handle that tough conversation, but maybe not when you are stressed. Control the things you can control by getting ahead of the game.•  Assess what’s happening. When you feel the first twinge of whatever it is that gets the best of you (annoyance, frustration, anxiety), pause and analyze what is happening. What is it in your thinking that is making you feel this way? After all, no one can make you feel anything. No one can make you mad, happy, or discouraged. Only you can do that. And it’s in our minds where this is happening. So what are you thinking that is leading to these feelings?•  Replace thoughts. At the core of our emotions are beliefs that drive them. We feel the way we feel because of how we think. So once you assess what’s happening, and you realize a core belief that is being violated (“I have a right to…", "I was anticipating…”), replace that thought with God’s truth (“I’ve been blessed with…” “I was hoping for…but I’m good with God’s will”). The keys to emotional control are deliberate thoughts and productive behavior.•  Manage your response. What we do when our emotions are trying to take over will determine who or what is going to win. If you let your anger drive your tongue, you will descend into a downward spiral. Acting on feelings only makes the feelings worse, and the end result is almost always injurious to relationships and obstructive to goals. It’s when you are most emotional that you have to be most careful about what you say and do. And in the heat of the moment, it’s almost always best to either do the opposite of what you feel like doing (kindness instead of retaliation, sincerely smile instead of sneer), or at least, nothing at all until you get time alone with God and advice from a Godly counselor.You can do this! You can get control of your emotions, instead of your emotions controlling you!