Who Are You Talking About?
When hiring people for a ministry staff position at The Bridge, one of the things I pay closest attention to is how the candidate converses during off-times, when not being interviewed.Who does he/she talk about? Is it always, or even, usually, about themselves? Do they show genuine interest in others, or do they work to get people interested in them?There are some people who are very good at getting conversations back to their own thoughts, opinions, experiences, or interests. It’s like they crave attention so much that they work hard to manipulate conversations to come back around to them. I was in one such conversation not that long ago. I noticed in this small group of people, that whenever there was a minor break in what anyone else was saying, this person hijacked the conversation by telling a similar story that outdid the one that was just told. There was a lot of interrupting, talking over, and high volume. And every time he inserted himself, it was about him. There was no real interest in the thoughts, concerns, or experiences of the others in the group. Only his own.In truth, we are all a bit that way. In our flesh, we think of ourselves as #1. And we want people to notice us, care about us, and pay attention to us. But that’s our sin nature. Jesus taught the opposite. That fulfillment comes by giving, not receiving, and by paying attention, not getting attention. We influence others more by our listening ears than our wagging tongues. And if we want our lives to matter, we have to become interested in others, rather than getting others to be interested in us.As my kids were growing up, going into high school, and in early years of dating, I continually reminded them, “Deflect the conversation to the person you are talking to. Learn about her/him. Ask questions and listen to the answers.”You see, people will be far more interested in you in the long run if you show genuine interest in them. But if you insist on talking about yourself, you’ll come across as either needy, or worse, self-absorbed. And that’s what Jesus was talking about when he told us to love God first and others second. Put others' needs/interests ahead of our own.“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others” (Philippians 2:4 NLT).