A Good Debate

Sorry for the misleading title picture. I’m not talking about Thursday’s presidential debate. I think there’s mixed reviews on how good that was.

But I am convinced that debates can be and should be healthy. If you are surrounded only by people who always agree with you, then you don’t even know what you really believe. If everyone agrees with you, you’ve never been challenged. It’s not until you have to articulate your views and thought process that leads to those views, before you even know where your opinions come from, and whether or not they are logical and reasonable. For a lot of people, they only believe what they’ve heard others say, and feel threatened whenever those views are challenged. I don’t think most people even know why they vote Democrat or Republican. It’s just what they are, what they’ve always been, and are convinced that the proponents of the other party are “evil.” But they themselves would not hold up well in a rational debate with an informed and reasonable challenger.

That’s one reason why I believe debates can be and should be healthy. They help us think succinctly, keep us from being opinionated, and force us to think through others’ viewpoints. All of these things are good. (And I’m talking about in-person debates…I’ve never seen a healthy online debate).

In order for a debate to be healthy, there are some ground rules. These aren’t stipulations you’ll hear from a debate moderator or high school debate coach. But for those of us who are followers of Jesus, they are required. If you hold to these principles, you can have healthy debates with your coworkers, your kids, or parents, and even your spouse. And yes, I think that when we are overwhelmingly supportive of them, agreeable and encouraging, an occasional healthy debate, even with those closest to you, can and should benefit the relationship.

• Be honest. Always tell the truth. Never lie. Do not deceive, even in a subtle way. Be a trustworthy person that people can count on the veracity of your words. But let me say this…start with yourself! In other words, tell the truth about yourself. When you are wrong, admit it. Admit it when your opponent makes a good point and when you get to that place in the conversation that you realize she is right, say so. Be honest, but honesty starts with yourself.
• Stay relevant. That is, stay on topic. Keep the discussion current. You can tell when someone has made an illogical point, or they realize their line of reason is full of holes, because they conveniently start arguing about something that has little to do with the disagreement at hand. They’ll start attacking personally, bringing up things from the past, revert to emotion, or tell you that you are just like someone else.
• Attack the topic, not the person. Debates become arguments and fights when people make them personal and descend to name-calling or character attacks. If you want your conversation to be productive, stick with the subject, go after the problem, but encourage the other person. He is not your enemy! If he is, I’d say, “Don’t bother debating!” If this is your coworker, friend, spouse, sibling, then lovingly stay the course and discuss what it is that you disagree about with logic and reason, as well as understanding and a listening ear, and do your best to help both of you arrive at the truth. Even if it means that you have to change your perspective.
• Speak with respect, kindness and grace. There’s never an excuse to be unkind. There’s never a reason to put down another person, to angrily attack and close down your own mind. We are called to “speak the truth in love”, to “be kind”, to “forgive” and for our words to always “give grace to those who hear.” That includes even in the midst of a debate. I’ve learned that people are willing to hear just about any hard truth you need to deliver if you frame your words with genuine love, encouragement and support.

If you stick with the above rules (all of them come from Ephesians 4, in the Bible), you may not win a presidential debate, but you will win in your relationships, and you’ll win in life. Best of all, you’ll be honoring and pleasing to God, and as a follower of Jesus, you’ll represent him well with your words.