Do We Elevate People When They Pass?

Our church is still reeling from the tragic death of Rachel Larson, a long-time and faithful member of The Bridge. Partly because she is someone a large percentage of those of us in The Bridge family knew and loved, and partly because of the terrible circumstances surrounding her fatal accident at Camp Awana. The outpouring of love and remembrances of Rachel, about who she was, how she lived, and the way she touched others, has been overwhelming. A number of social media tributes to her have brought me to tears. I had no idea so many people had been so deeply affected by her life, and now by her death.In the aftermath of other tragic deaths, I’ve heard statements like the following, “We deify, or at the least, elevate people above who they were, when they die.” And I have seen parents and other family members do this after the death of a child, making the person out to be a saint. Of course, when someone passes, we're not going to focus on their faults. But I have a friend who lost a sibling while young, who for many years after, lamented that he could never measure up to his “perfect dead brother.”Is that what is happening in the aftermath of Rachel’s death?I think we have it completely wrong. I’m glad we do not focus on the faults of people who have passed. And it’s wonderful that we elevate and praise thier favorable traits while reminiscing. But where we go wrong is: we should have been doing this while they were still alive. It’s now clear, we all loved Rachel, I wish we had told her that when she was with us.

I don’t think we overdo the eulogies after a person dies. I think we underdo the eulogies while they are alive.

Maybe that’s the reason some go a bit overboard in elevating loved ones who have passed, because they regret not doing so when they were alive, but instead, focused on their faults, until they were gone.Who in your life today would you post resounding tributes to if they were to be suddenly taken? Why wait? I’m not suggesting you make gushy social media posts about multiple people. But why not do that in person? Why not send them a note, spelling out of the things you appreciate? And why not do it now while they are alive, rather than waiting until they are gone? It’s good to share fond memories after a person has passed. It’s better to share love and appreciation with them while they are still alive. Because just like Rachel, we never know…I love all the tributes to Rachel, and I’ve given them myself. I just wish that I, and all of us, had blessed her with those words when she was still alive. Maybe you did. I know her husband did. But I for one regret that I didn’t. And that’s something I’m committed to changing.