Pastor, Don’t Quit!
Labor Day weekend was a lot of things to a lot of people. To former pastor Alexander Lang of Arlington Heights, it was the weekend his article, “Why I Left The Church”, went viral. It was eaten up by multitudes of mostly millennials and some Gen-Zers who hail from evangelical backgrounds, though Rev. Lang himself is not an evangelical.
Lang is a great writer and his article is both articulate and thought-provoking. So much of what he says about the pressures of being a pastor are very true. As I read through his reasons, I thought, “I’ve experienced all of that.” And yet, there has honestly never been a time in my 38 years of full-time ministry when I have considered leaving. The more I read, the more my heart went out to him and especially all of our young pastors at The Bridge, including my son, as well as the many pastors I have coached and advised over the years.
This article is for them. I’m not going to leave the Church and I want them to stick to it with me.
Local church stresses are real. Lang cites a post-pandemic survey done by Barna in 2022 where 42% of pastors considered quitting. “I have become a part of what is known as the Great Pastor Resignation that came in the wake of the pandemic,” Lang writes. He then quotes from Barna the top five reasons why they are leaving:
1) The immense stress of the job: 56%
2) I feel lonely and isolated: 43%
3) Current political divisions: 38%
4) I am unhappy with the effect this role has had on my family: 29%
5) I am not optimistic about the future of my church: 29%”
The stress of leading a congregation, knowing the impact you have and the immense spiritual significance, can be enormous. Early in ministry as a solo pastor, I felt very alone. Even now with a lot more responsibility to shoulder, especially during times of major decisions and potential controversy, I still feel that. Angry political divisions among congregants can be discouraging. But, the last two reasons listed above have not been true for me at all. Ministry has had a positive affect on my family and I’m very optimistic about the future of our church and the Body of Christ around the world.
But all of those stressors are very real for pastors. Why are some overwhelmed by the stress and others are not?
One of the most interesting observations of Lang’s article was his portrayal of a Lead Pastor’s job description. Besides the educational requirements, which for most are on the level of an MD or attorney, Lang points out that most Lead Pastors are expected (for good reason) to be all of these:
Professional Speaker
CEO
Counselor
Fundraiser
Human Resources Director
Master of Ceremonies
Pillar of Virtue
I would love to comment on each, but in essence, Lang is right. That’s the job.
He then points out that in most cases, the pay does not approach anywhere near other positions with those same kinds of responsibilities. That is true for most pastors (with the exception of high profile mega-church pastors raking it in).
As I read the article, I kept nodding my head. “Yes, this is true.” “Yes, this is also true.” And then it occurred to me, “Wow. I didn’t know I have it that bad. And I’ve had it this bad for 38 years!”
So how come I’ve never felt all this before? Why have I stayed in ministry for so long, and have never even considered doing anything else?
I have a few insights I’d like to share. I think they differentiate my mindset from many pastors who are looking to get out, and I hope they’ll be helpful to you.
1) Motivating Strength
I don’t see anything in Lang’s article other than his human ability or inability to handle the pressure of ministry. I think I get why. He is part of a denomination that walked away from the inerrancy and sufficiency of Scripture decades ago. His formal training would not have pointed him to Biblical authority or the Supremacy of Jesus and The Gospel. If he does believe these things, they are not reflected in the article. On his website, he promotes a book he is writing on “Spirituality,” where he describes it this way:
“Spirituality is a very amorphous concept. It means different things to different people. For some people, spirituality describes their connection with God. For others, spirituality describes their inner path to experiencing a transcendental reality or discovering the essence of their being. And still others view spirituality as a quest for love or fulfillment. Moreover, every person experiences spirituality in their own unique way. What qualifies as spiritual for one person might not qualify as spiritual for another and vice-versa.”
Committed Bible-believing Christians will see concerns in this. That may be the world’s understanding of spirituality, but it wasn’t Jesus’. He proclaimed, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).
If I did not have Scripture as my authority, The Gospel and it’s promise of heaven as my primary message, and the indwelling Holy Spirit as my power source, not only would I have walked away a long time ago, I never would have gotten into ministry in the first place.
It is the truth of Scripture and the assurance of The Gospel that drives me and everything I do as a pastor. From the first time I heard the Gospel, I thought, “If this is true, this is the most important thing in the world.” I am convinced it is true, and it is the most important thing in the world. I pray that no amount of stress or opposition will ever deter me from the compelling proclamation of the Gospel and the beautiful foundation of Biblical authority. Lang is right. Without that, the difficulty, pressure, and stress would be too much to bear.
2) Ministry Expectations
I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If someone offers me one, I’m happy to enjoy it. But if you offered me a pulled pork sandwich and when I bite into it I discover it to be peanut butter and jelly, I’d be pretty disappointed.
Expectations often make the difference between what we enjoy or what we are disgruntled by.
I had great leaders as examples who gave me realistic expectations for local church ministry. There was no prosperity theology in my background. I volunteered under and served pastors who worked hard for low pay; men who faced controversy courageously and faithfully taught Biblical truth while loving those who opposed them. While I’ve had to face my share of adversity in ministry, it’s honestly better than I was expecting.
So while Lang’s description of the pressure and requirements of Lead Pastors, and the often unchristian attitudes of church members, are all part of my experience as well, I went into this expecting it and even more.
Jesus’ apostles suffered way more than Lang or any other pastor in ministry today. I have friends serving in Africa, India, and other persecuted places where the challenges they experience are far more difficult than anything American pastors have to face. But they aren’t quitting like American pastors are. Instead, I’m amazed at how those who serve in the most difficult of conditions are usually the most joyful and encouraging.
3) Source and Outlet of Stress
Local church ministry is stressful. But so are a lot of other occupations. Teaching school is stressful. Nursing is stressful. Running a company is stressful. Working for a difficult boss is stressful.
I think a key to Lang’s source of stress was his acknowledgment that he worked for 1,000 bosses (his whole congregation). That would push anyone out of any job.
I’ve pastored two congregations. The first started very small, with 12 people in my living room. I remained with them for 19 years and enjoyed seeing the church grow to hundreds. The second is my current church, The Bridge. I’ve been with this congregation for 16 years and counting, and we’ve grown from hundreds to thousands. In both cases, I don’t think anyone in these churches thought I worked for them. I‘ve always been clear: my boss is Jesus and I report to the church elders. When it comes to the elders, I do not answer to any of them individually, only to the board as a whole. Their function is big picture. They hired me and can fire me, but they have never gotten involved in the church’s daily operation.
But making sure the board operates this way and the congregation maintains that mindset is my responsibility. Because pastors are responsible for church culture (something Lang acknowledges), it’s up to us to make that an important part of the culture. No one can handle 10 bosses, much less a hundred or a thousand.
Even when this is not the case, there are a lot of stressors for pastors. Carrying people’s burdens, overseeing staff, preparing sermons for every weekend for the next decade and beyond, knowing some will disagree with our teaching and/or decisions…Stress in ministry is a given. We should expect a lot of it.
That is also why we need outlets for stress.
The first and most important outlet is a peaceful home. We need to know that there is a refuge from pressure in a home where peace prevails. Even with hectic schedules during child-rearing years, peace in the home is possible…and important. If a pastor’s marriage is struggling, his stress will be multiplied. So if your marriage is not healthy and peaceful, get some counseling. In fact, when major marriage issues persist, that would be a reason to find another career. Our marriages won’t be perfect, but they should be examples for the rest of the flock. And since ministry is stressful, you can’t afford to add to that stress with a bad marriage. It should become your priority to get it fixed.
You also need to find healthy distractions from ministry, things that take your mind off of it. I love to ride motorcycles and fly airplanes. When our kids were growing up we loved to boat and camp. Find some things you enjoy and schedule the time to do them. Take vacations. Read novels. Fish. Work out. Do some kind of physical labor, whether it be yard work, woodworking, or home remodeling. There’s something about physical productive labor that brings a kind of stress-melting satisfaction. I think it’s God designed.
4) Encouragement
One of the most common things I hear from pastors is the thankless nature of the job. Honestly, I just plan on never hearing “thank you,” and when I do hear it, I feel awkward. I teach people to express appreciation, but I’m not doing anything that I do hoping to be appreciated. I’m honestly not trying to please people or pastor the way they want me to. I’m not teaching or preaching the things they want me to say. When I hear “thank you,” I’m gracious. But, I remind myself that my motive for ministry is for their lives to be transformed, and people are rarely appreciative of the process that it takes to get there. I don’t want to fall into the trap of determining ministry direction or activity based on the appreciation that will come from it. The “thank you” I’m looking forward to is from Jesus.
I often caution pastors who complain about ministry as being a thankless job. I fear that is an expectation that will lead to discouragement.
Don’t get me wrong, I think our staff will agree that I am full of gratitude and express appreciation to them all the time. I think we should all be encouragers. It is just that we should set our focus on encouraging others rather than looking for others to encourage us. I get way more encouragement by lifting up others than I do from the awkward praises from people who don’t really know if I’m doing a good job or not. If people express appreciation, accept it as a bonus. But don’t expect it as a sign of fruitful ministry.
In 1 Samuel 30:6, King David was distressed by enemies who wanted him dead. I love how the King James Version closes the verse, “But David encouraged himself in the Lord.”
“That’s easier said than done,” you might think. Maybe, but it’s not impossible. Encouraging yourself in the Lord means taking time away and getting alone with God, expressing gratitude for His goodness in every part of your life and ministry, and then reminding yourself why you are doing what you are doing. Remember God’s promise in Galatians 6:9 – “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” We do what we do for the eternal reward, not the short-lived encouragement from people.
David also had a small group of fiercely loyal friends. Early on, that was an area of weakness in my ministry, and sadly, I did not pursue and cultivate friendships as I wish I had. A lot of pastors’ friendships are only with other pastors, and sadly, those friendships often become competitive and discouraging rather than encouraging. I’m privileged now to have a large staff of like-minded guys who are my closest friends. It was harder when I was a solo pastor, but I did make friends with a few men in secular business who had similar responsibilities as me.
For you it might be a group of golfing buddies or guys you can hang out with at a cigar lounge. Some of the best encouragement can be to just know that you’ve got some friends who love and respect you and have your back no matter what. Knowing you are not alone in life is a big deal.
I have one final thought. As I said, I’ve been doing this for 38 years. When I started seminary, one of my professors said to our small Pastoral Problems and Procedures class, “Not many of you will be doing this the rest of your life. Most of you will quit at some point. And some of you will compromise your morality. It will cost you your ministry and will hurt the Body of Christ.”
I really thought, “Not these guys. These guys are committed.” But he was right. Only a few of my friends from Bible college and seminary days are still active in professional ministry.
If you are really going to make a difference, you’ve got to be in this for the long haul. If you want to make an impact for God’s Kingdom, that will come with time. Flash-in-the-pans are a dime a dozen. Anyone can be zealous for a few years. It is those who are committed to the long haul who leave a legacy.
From my professor’s insight, there’s just two admonishments that will give you long-term ministry: Don’t quit and don’t cheat. I think he was right.
Don’t cheat on your taxes, don’t cheat on your church’s finances, and most of all, don’t cheat on your wife. That’s the second most common reason men leave the ministry; they compromise their morality. C’mon guys! Stay faithful to your wives (and your God). Don’t cheat!
And don’t quit. That’s the biggest reason for short-lived ministry. Pastors just quit. Maybe it was faulty expectations. Maybe it was going into ministry with the wrong motivation. Maybe it was an inability to offload the stress, or erroneously looking to their congregation as sources of encouragement. For whatever reason, too many men who had claimed to be called by God into pastoral ministry, quit.
Don’t quit! If you need counseling, get counseling. But effective ministry comes after years of service. Those who truly leave a legacy are not the most gifted, the most magnetic, the best speakers, or the most likable. It’s the men who stick to it. It’s the guys with grit.
Serve God with all your heart. Serve Him for the right reasons. Be morally faithful to the end. Serve God and His Church for the rest of your life! And don’t quit!