That’s Not The Problem

Years ago, Brock and I were sitting in our living room reading and Brock had his music playing. I was listening to the lyrics and thought, “That doesn’t sound good.” So I said to Brock, “What kind of song is that? ‘I want you to pull my britches down’?”

“What? No, Dad, it’s, 'I want you to burn my bridges down!’”

I guess I didn’t exactly hear the words right. But now I guarantee it, every time you hear “Burning Bridges” by OneRepublic, you’re going to hear it the way I did. Sorry.

But here’s the thing…we do that all the time. We hear things wrong. We misunderstand what people say. We misread facial expressions and vocal tones. And then after that misunderstanding, we often jump to conclusions and make judgements, get upset, and injure relationships. Then, when we finally talk it out, we blame it on “miscommunication.”

But miscommunication is not really the problem. That’s always going to happen. Everyone mishears, misspeaks, and misunderstands, but not everyone gets offended or gets into fights and arguments over those things.

The real problem is not miscommunication. The problem is jumping to conclusions, making judgements, and getting offended.

If we always gave people the benefit of the doubt, we’d all be better off. And that’s what Jesus meant by, “Judge not!” Sometimes those who are quickest to quote that verse are also the most easily offended. Jesus was saying, “Don’t jump to conclusions. You’re almost alway missing information.” So give people the benefit of the doubt.

Try it in your marriage. You’ll be surprised how you can improve your life just by giving your husband the benefit of the doubt instead of jumping to conclusions and getting upset. The best relationships are had by those who habitually look for and think the best. The worst are with those who habitually look for and think the worst.

Try it at work. You’ll find that work becomes a lot more fulfilling and enjoyable when you overlook apparent offenses, and chalk up the problem to your own misunderstanding and choose to believe that affronts are not intentional.

In other words, refusing to make judgements that you can’t fairly make anyway, and instead, choosing to think the best of others while working to build unity, minimizes the negative effects of miscommunication. Then, when someone misspeaks or mishears, you have the opportunity to show the love and grace of Jesus in a unique way.

And you can also get the laugh that all of us did over my mishearing of what is actually a good song.