Master Your Emotions
How you manage your emotions has more of an impact on your marriage, raising kids, and doing well at work than just about anything else. In his book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman demonstrates how a person’s ability to manage his or her emotions has more influence on their success in life than IQ.
But managing emotions is not easy. As Goleman said, “The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain.” Before we know it, we’ve allowed our feelings to drive us into saying and doing things that we later regret.
So how do you master distressing emotions?
Get alone with God. There is something about continual acknowledgement of God’s sovereignty and ever-present care that helps us focus. Slowing down to meditate on God’s Word and interact with Him in prayer does just that.
Think ahead. Our emotions tend to get out of control when we are flying by the seat of our pants. If you are running late, rushing through traffic, and then racing into work, you are on the cusp of an emotional crisis. It’ll take little to set you off. But thinking ahead to avoid those added stressors can evade the build-up and will pay dividends when you have to think clearly. You can handle tough conversations, but not when you are stressed. Control the things you can control by getting ahead of the game.
Assess what’s happening. When you feel the first twinge of whatever it is that gets the best of you (annoyance, frustration, anxiety), pause and analyze what is happening. What are you thinking that is making you feel this way? No one can make you mad, happy, or discouraged. Only you can do that. So what are you thinking that is leading to these feelings?
Replace thoughts. At the core of our emotions are beliefs that drive them. We feel the way we feel because of how we think. So once you assess what’s happening, replace your thoughts with God’s truth (“I’ve been blessed with…” “I was hoping for…but I’m good with God’s will”). The keys to emotional control are deliberate thoughts and productive behavior.
Manage your response. What we do when our emotions are trying to take over will determine who or what is going to win. Acting on feelings only makes the feelings worse, and the end result almost always injures relationships and impedes goals. In the heat of the moment, it’s usually best to either to do the opposite of what you feel like doing (kindness instead of retaliation, sincerely smile instead of sneer), or nothing at all until you get time alone with God.
You can do this! You can get control of your emotions, instead of your emotions controlling you!