Family First?

    If you know me, you know I love the family, and you know my family knows that I love them. But is the family supposed to first? What about second?
    You often hear of a hierarchy of priorities where people list what is supposed to be most important and it often goes something like: 1) God, 2) Marriage, 3) Children, 4) Church or Friends or Work (this is where the order gets switched around depending on who is speaking).
    As with a lot of things, people hear this and shake their heads in agreement because it sounds good, but don’t give a lot of thought to its truthfulness or whether or not it is Biblical. Actually, there is nothing in the Bible that says anything like this, only that we are to love God first and love others second. By having a list like this, anything in the upper levels could or would supersede the lower and if a husband demands of his wife that children be neglected, a wife would or should comply because he is before them. I know a man who lost his job because his wife kept begging him to stay home saying, "Aren't I more important than your job?" He kept saying "yes" and stayed home one too many times and got fired. I think God wanted him instead to fulfill responsibilities both as a husband and employee, and doing so would have been more loving in the end to both his wife and his employer.
    Instead, of the above man-made priority list, we should go with the Biblical formula: 1) God first, 2) others second, and understand that we have responsibility in every area God has entrusted us with, not neglecting one God-given responsibility for another. No one area should get in the way of our responsibilities in the other, if those responsibilities have been given to us by God. Duties never conflict. Church should not come before family, but family should also not come before church.
    In the common man-made formula, family is always placed before church. But bear in mind, nowhere in the Bible is family described as “precious to God” as the church is. In fact, family relationships on earth, which are temporary, are only a picture of God’s greater reality, his relationship with us and ours with one another in Christ, which will last eternally. My relationship with my kids, as dear to me as they are, will only last a short time unless we are united together in the Body of Christ! I think I can say Biblically that the family is not placed before the church in the Bible. Therefore, I think we have to be careful not to do so as well. Obviously, we have greater responsibility for children when they are little, but that should not be an excuse to neglect church or work altogether. That's why I refer to the “Family First” movement as "worshipping the family" because those in it elevate the family higher than God does, making it an end in and of itself, instead of an instrument to bring us to the greater ends: loving God and loving other people. Grasping this will cause us to involve our families in ways to honor God and serve others and thereby, get us out into the world and to the church, not completely shielding them from the world and guarding them from too much time at church (though there needs to be an element of both protection and time management).
    When my kids were little, we all did ministry together, and we still do often. I never felt that church got in the way of our family, and I don't think they felt that way either, though we spent far more time at church and serving, etc., than anyone I know. But it was never in the way of our family. I also don't know of any other family closer than ours, or young adult kids who love the church more than my kids do.
    On the other hand, I knew many families who's kids are adults today, who's parents turned down ministry and were very guarded about church involvement because they would say, "Family First." Most of those kids are not even going to church today. Instead of "Family First," the Bible teaches that we should lead our families to put God first and others second. That will give us the most valuable family time we could have.
    So the family was given us to help us in loving God and loving others. The family does not exist as an end in and of itself, but the greater end of honoring God and serving others. When we see the family that way, it gives it purpose, and it keeps God in first place and the rest of life in balance.