Love Will NOT Keep You Together!

    Twenty-seven years ago this very moment (as I am typing), I was in the middle of making a life-long eternity altering commitment. I said, “I do” and Linda said the same. Not too long after that, my groomsmen tackled me and literally locked a ball and chain on to my ankle! I went through most of the rest of that afternoon carrying the ball and chain….and asking people for the key to get it unlocked!
    But, I want you to know, Linda, I have never thought of our marriage as bondage!
    It is, however, a commitment. And through these twenty-seven years, that has been what has kept us together. We never bought into Captain & Tennille’s thinking: “Love Will Keep Us Together” (actually written by Neil Sadaka for those into Trivia). You know what they call couples who are kept together by love? DIVORCED!
    I love Linda more than I could express. I didn’t even know love like this was possible when Linda and I were first married. But that is NOT what has kept us together.
    The feelings of love come and go. If love was to keep us together, Linda would have left me sometime in year two. And honestly, both of us would have bolted at multiple points if we were relying on our feelings to build or preserve our marriage. We knew when we got married that our feeble emotions were unreliable and in need of stronger bonding agents to make them work correctly. I’m really glad that both of us were taught that before we started our lives together. The idea of separating or divorcing was never brought up in a single argument, and not even considered by either one of us, ever. It was just not part of the equation. Linda has been quoted to say, “Murder might be an option, but divorce, never.” I think she was joking but I’ve not been interested in finding out for sure :-).
    In truth, I didn’t really know what I was getting in a wife when she agreed to marry me. I’m sure Linda didn’t know what she was getting in a husband, either (or I’d still be single). I think we both turned out to be different than what we thought each other to be….we were young, had blinders on, and the nature of dating is pretty deceptive. I’m not sure I’m the guy Linda thought she loved when we were dating and engaged. But the kind of love from God that flows from commitment (not just commitment to stay together, but commitment to the well-being of each other), does not dependent on personality or life-stage. It moves and circulates through life with the couple and strengthens in intensity and passion. The feelings, like with all people, move up and down, making it fun, challenging and rewarding. But the feelings are results, not causes of a good marriage. Linda and I enjoy strong feelings for each other today, because we stood at an altar twenty seven years ago, and before God, our friends and family, committed our whole beings to one another for the rest of our lives. It worked because we meant it!
    I love you Linda! Thanks for taking the risk!

One Response to Love Will NOT Keep You Together!

  1. Yuko Miyazawa July 9, 2011 at 3:01 pm #

    The marriage is the most beautiful thing in the human relationship. It takes hard work and time. I strongly believe the couple grow together and will make things work no matter what going on when we put God first, not husband or wife first. Thanks for this beautiful blog, Pastor Scott.

Leave a Reply